THIS IS A LONG ONE, YOU GUYS...I HOPE YOU'LL STICK WITH ME.....
{The Last Thing I Lost Sleep Over}
I couldn't sleep last night. I tried writing this post yesterday, but the "right words" just wouldn't come out. Usually, my "Last Things" are pretty
fun/easy/relaxed.
But today, we interrupt your regularly scheduled program to bring you something that has been on my mind as of late....
My Mom.
{The Last Thing I Wanted to Say but Couldn't}
On Mother's Day, I had every intention of writing a post about her. But the words wouldn't come (again). In fact, I have tried to write a post about my Mom NUMEROUS times, but then decided against it.
Actually, I still don't have the words. The full story/post about my Mom is in the works (so think of this as the Cliffs Notes version). Just not today.
Ok, I'm making this sound REALLY serious. Sorry. But it kind of is. But kind of not.
{See? I think I'm still procrastinating talking about this.}
Let me just start at the beginning.
In February of last year, we found out that my Mom had a brain tumor (an Oliogodendroglioma to be exact--you can read about it
HERE if you are curious). The original tumor we THOUGHT she was MUCH worse than the one she actually had--so that was a blessing (she would have had to have radiation)!! For this tumor, she
would need to have brain surgery to try and remove most of it. Her surgery was on March 17 (St. Patty's Day) of last year.
My cute Mom, Baby D, and awesome Papa
(after her surgery--ain't she purrrrty?)
{The Last Thing I Wished Was a Lie}
Jump back two months prior, and my life was going along pretty smoothly. I was 5 months pregnant with D, we had just moved into our new house, and my family was pretty solid.
Then out of the blue, I got a call from my Mom. She was eerily calm, and began to tell me that she had been to the doctor, and they had discovered a large, baseball sized tumor in her brain. Pause. What just happened? Had I heard her right? Not MY mom. Not MY healthy mom. Not MY non-smoking, non-drinking Mom.
My next thought? She's lying. She's joking. She MUST be kidding. But she wasn't. She told me they were going to remove it and they were hopeful that they could get ALL of it. I think I was honestly in shock. It became a blur of words and I literally had to sit down to keep from fainting. I tried to stay strong for her (and for myself I think) on the phone, but after I hung up I LOST IT. I could NOT control what was coming out of me. Tears, anger, pain, hurt, shock, awe, but most of all---
FEAR. Gut-wrenching, cry-your-eyes-out, Earth-shattering FEAR.
A four letter word that has not been that common in my life. I am not fearful of much (snakes, yes)..CANCER? NO. Maybe I should have been, but it had never happened in my family on such a GRAND SCALE. I mean BRAIN CANCER? Absolutely not.
{The Last Thing I Feared I Was Going to Lose}
I worried constantly about losing My Mom (and still do). Worry, worry, worry.
That was the theme of last year for me.
Worry about her.
Worry about my family and the toll it was taking on everyone.
Worry about my unborn baby and the stress I was causing him.
Worry about EVERYTHING.
I couldn't stop it. It completely TOOK over my life. As much as I tried to control it, I couldn't.
{The Last Thing I Did for Someone Else}
The only thing I COULD control was how I handled the situation at hand. So, after lots and lots of deep discussions, praying and crying, I made a decision. I quit my job teaching at an elementary school, to take care of my Mom after her surgery.
For about 3 months, I stayed with her while she recovered. I can't even tell you the mental and physical toll it took on me whilst being pregnant--but I didn't LET those thoughts enter my head. Because my exhaustion/pain was nothing compared to what my Mom was going through.
They cut open her head, removed most of her tumor, and she was definitely different. The only way I can explain it is to say that when they mess with your brain, things tend to change a bit personality wise. She was still my Mom though. She knew who we were (I was seriously worried about that for some reason--that she would forget her family), she still had her sense of humor (told my Dad his windbreaker was SO LOUD, after she got out of surgery), and still wanted to fight for her life.
It was NOT an easy road, and she still has a long way to go. She goes in every 3 months for a MRI to make sure the tumor/cancer isn't growing back. As of right now, she's good. HAPPY DANCE!!!!!!
We are really stronger as a family, I think, because of it. We love each other more. We appreciate EACH & EVERY moment we get to share with our Mom & our whole family. Life is funny that way.
{The Last Thing I Flaunted}
Ok that's all I can write about that today (it still takes a toll on me when I talk about it). You got the jist of it, I hope.
Now ONE of the MAIN reasons I decided to tell you about this whole thing, was because of a conversation I had with my two amazing-sauce friends,
Em &
Lindsay. We talked about their "
Flaunt Your Cause" link-up (along with faith, Sarcastic Saturdays, the middle finger, and being real--yup, we pretty much covered a lot) and it got me thinking about what cause was near & dear to my heart.
{The Last Thing I Wanted to Share}
Enter
MILES FOR HOPE. I started learning/researching/being crazy about ANYTHING to do with Brain Cancer after my Mom was diagnosed. Then I found Miles For Hope. And it really DID give me just that -- HOPE. Hope that there was people that cared about this type of cancer just as much as I did. And hope that maybe someday, there will be a cure!!
They raise awareness (because lets be honest, you hardly EVER hear about Brain Cancer--at least, I hadn't) for brain cancer, raise money by holding walks, etc...to fund brain cancer research and cutting-edge clinical trials. If you want to donate, get involved, be a part of, support, or just learn MORE about MILES FOR HOPE, click
here.
My hope is to hold/host a Brain Cancer Walk here in the next year or so. It would be AMAZING. When it's happening, you better BELIEVE I'm going to be chatting your ears off about it. Sorry..but it's happening! :) I can't TELL you how big of a deal this is for me!
I will ALSO be making some Grey (the chosen color for Brain Cancer--get it? Like Grey Matter--hehe) & Gold bracelets in the coming months for my upcoming shop NEON & NUDE, and a portion of the proceeds will go to Miles for Hope. More about that later!!
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Ok...I hope you're still with me. Now it's YOUR TURN to link up to your "LAST THINGS".
Make sure to GRAB A BUTTON from the sidebar over there, and put it somewhere in your post!
AND NO, it doesn't have to be as SERIOUS as mine was :) But I just had to get this out there!!
HAPPY THURSDAY, PEEPS! LUV YA!
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