November 9, 2012

Judgy Wudgy Was A Bear

I have been hemming and hawing over writing this post for sometime, now. But the last few days, after reading THIS post from Erin, I knew it was the right time{If you don't know about that post, you MUST read it before continuing to read mine}.

I'll wait..... good? Are you in shock?

I was. ABSOLUTELY. I canNOT get those comments out of my head.

Some of the comments were SO SO SO FUNNY that I literally (seriously, people) had tears running down my face. And then...some of them made me want to seriously cry (and give them huuuge hugs).

What I thought was so crazy was the fact that people felt SO FREE to write whatever they wanted. Free therapy? Maybe. A venting (although kinda scary) session? Ya.

But what I REALLY noticed was not what they had to say. What I noticed was ME. I was judging them. Secretly. At my house. In my bedroom. In my head. Judging away.

Why would someone share that? 
Why don't you get out of your marriage then if you feel like you settled? 
Why is this person so upset about that?
Why are they so crazy racist?

What. The. Freak.?

Yup. Judgy McJudgerson over here. I couldn't help myself. Even though I have NO IDEA who these people were, I couldn't stop myself from judging them and their secrets. Then, a thought struck me -  - maybe I'm the only one who is this judgmental. Maybe THAT should be my secret.

But I don't think I'm alone.

We all do it, right? To our friends. Our families. And you can bet your pants off that we do it to other bloggers.

I have noticed, lately especially, lots and lots of judging among bloggers. Whether you have 10 followers, or 3000. It's there. Some of us, yes, are really good at pretending we don't judge. But we do. Whether it's leaving an anonymous comment, or unfollowing them for xyz reason, or ignoring them on's all judging.

Confession time (not anonymous obviously): I will scroll through my Instagram feed and think...that is such a lame picture...ughh no one cares about your dumb cat...ok if she posts one more pic of her uber expensive shoes she bought I'll scream. Yup. I do it.

Go ahead - say it - GASP! SHOCK! I'm a horrible person! All of the above. Judge away. It's happening in your head right now!

WE don't want to be judged, though. We want everyone to like us and think we are all perfect and have no flaws. When 99.9% of the time - we obviously aren't perfect.

So here's a real thinker for your Friday - we don't want others judging WHY in the heck do we judge other people??!! It's so banana cakes!

SURE, the blogging world is a LOT about blowing sunshine up bloggers butts (as one commenter so forwardly put it). It's about saying "Oh I love your coat" and "You are gorgeous" and "I wish I had your life right now" type of comments. Believe you me...I say those things too. But are we being REAL? Or just trying to BE NICE?

I HEART this blogging world, I truly do. It has given me so many things I never ever thought I would get out of it. But I also want to make sure that I'm living an authentic life.

So, in the words of my mom, I'm going to say this: "IF YOU DON'T HAVE ANYTHING NICE TO SAY...DON'T SAY ANYTHING NICE AT ALL"

Oh...and I'll throw a "AND DON'T SECRETLY JUDGE PEOPLE EITHER" in there too.

My goal is simple: I'm going to TRY super duper extra hard not to judge other people. Because that isn't what this world is about. I wouldn't want someone judging me...and so I won't do it to them.

In conclusion (hehe): Just be nice, people. Don't judge. It IS easier said than done...but I DO think it's possible.

Do you like me a little less now that I've admitted my secret? That's totally fine - I can deal with it. :)


One more reminder about this AWESOME SAUCE PASSIONFRUIT MIXER tomorrow night!! 
UTAH BLOGGERS - I better see your beautiful faces there!!
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  1. I don't judge you at all. I do this all the time and I don't give an F who knows it. I pretty much have no filter from my head to my mouth. This is why I don't have many friends haha!

    Judge away.

  2. Amen. This is such a refreshing post. Thank you for being SO HONEST and saying what very few dare to ... I think it's human nature to judge ... I think we all do it from time to time.

  3. Thanks for being so honest. I think this is a great post, and a great message.

  4. Fabulous post! Thanks for being do real. Isn't it crazy how you judge so unconsciously?!
    Way to go on noticing it and embracing the challenge to do better!
    And yes, those comments were hilarious!


  5. I read her post & several of the comments and like you.. I judged my little life away.. Thinking I'm such a better person than they are. Then God tapped me upside the head and reminded me that I'm by no means perfect. However, I did find many of those things very sad & wondering how in the world he/she could live with themselves.. But then again I suppose that's judging also. In Scripture we are called to hold believers to a higher standard.. There's such a fine line between that & judging someone. Anyways, thanks for your honesty && a great reminder!

    Have a wonderful day!

  6. Love this post (for real... not even fake blogger love!)

    I am definitely guilty of judging people in my head. I think secretly it makes me feel better about myself or something. Absolutely ridiculous! I'm going to work on it!

    Also? That passionfruit party looks so fun! But I can't drive very well in the dark (my eyes suck) so I guess I will wallow at home! Haha have so much fun!

    Lots of !!! In this post. Sorry!

  7. I think you're amazing for being so honest. There's nothing to be ashamed of and I am just like you, as are many many people. I think coming clean about our shortcomings and insecurities is the fastest and easist way to start fixing them! I will pledge right along with you not be so judgey!

  8. I love this so much. You are so right with everything you said. We are all guilty of it at times. I love you and how honest you always are. WIsh I could go tomorrow and finally meet you but, I dont think Ill make it esp with the weather now. I dont know how long we"ll be in Provo for! Another time for sure!! Happy friday!!!


  9. This is a great post Jenna! I read through some of the comments on Erin's post but I stopped myself because I couldn't handle it. I was grossed out! I think we all judge and I think for myself it's sometimes second nature which is not good at all. This was a great reminder that it needs to stop! Love the honesty girl and I couldn't have said any of ti better myself.

  10. This post really struck a cord with me. Everything you said is right. I think part of the reason we all judge is because it makes us feel better about ourselves. I think we need to focus on ourselves more and stop worrying about what everyone else is doing

  11. I read that post and some of the comments last night and now I am realizing I too, was secretly judging. People who's husbands didn't want to have sex wit them, people who are insecure and not social...I was passing judgement. Who am I to judge?! Gah thank you for putting this into perspective. I am studying in biblical book of Esther right now and a huge theme is women standing in the shadows of other women....perfect for this time in my life where I find myself wishing I had what another blogger had, was as successful, was prettier, etc.

  12. NO JOKE Jenna, I have a post written up all about judging others and being a "mean girl" that is ready to be published next tuesday :) we must be on the same wavelength!

  13. LOVE this post!! Such a great reminder for the blogging world AND real world.
    Of all the weekends we've been up north (seriously the past 3 weekends in a row....) and this mixer is THIS weekend?! Ah! I'm sick of living so far away, ha ha!

  14. Love this post girl!! We all secretly do it. It's real bad on Instagram for me. :x Who are we to judge?! Here's to ending that! :)

  15. You are so right! Thank you for writing this and the reminder. I know I am guilty of judging people too! I will join you in trying my darndest to do a better job of not judging!

  16. At first I found myself judging as well, appalled that people thought the things they do especially about their spouses. Then, as I read the same things over and over, it turned into incredible sadness. I am so burdened for those who are living one way and feeling another. I wish there was something I could do! That's the one thing about being anonymous, no one knows who to reach out to, who needs someone to talk to.. because like so many said, they don't put it out there because they don't want to be judged. I honestly felt so down after reading them.

  17. Love this. Thanks for sharing!

  18. I don't know if I will ever stop judging dog and cat photos on Instagram... :) but AMEN to this post!

  19. Wasn't that post just crazy?! Honestly though what you were thinking didn't sound like crazy judging. I think you honestly felt bad and wanted them to get help! That's what I felt like. I just wanted to knock some people in the head and show tough love and they can change for the better! Lol
    But I do admit to passing people's blogs posts because I really don't care to know how perfect your weekend was
    Lol it's human nature and Paul says it well in the bible, what I ought to do I don't and what I do I shouldn't. Something like that :-) have a good weekend girl!
    P.s. if you were going to Gentri beauty party, you'd be getting some swag from me ;-)

  20. Totally agree with everything you said. I had the same things going though my head as I read those comments. Just finished reading the Happiness Project and a quote came to mind- It's hard to be light and easy to be heavy. Sometimes its so much easier to be depressing and judgemental than it is to be carefree and easy-going. Great post.

  21. i love this post. i judge all the time. its bad. I know.

  22. Bahhh I am sooo guilty of this! I know it is wrong, I try super hard to keep it in check. Thanks for being so honest!

  23. I don't think I have an issue with judging. To me, judging someone is forming my opinion of a person after weighing the evidence at hand and through conversation. I want to surround myself with good people -- people who practice kindness, are conscious about bringing out the best in other people, are ambitious, are solution-oriented, are funny, etc. I make those choices through forming opinions about whether or not I think it's a healthy relationship and one worth investing in. I judge. I have opinions. I pick and choose.

    HOWEVER, those opinions and judgments aren't meant to be aired out in public -- or even in private. Those judgments are for my mind only. It's disrespectful for people to speak their opinions and judgments for the sake of hurting others or attempting to exert "power" over someone else. That's an extreme forms of being judgmental. I think I'm opinionated and judgmental, but those thoughts are for me alone.

    Does that make sense?

  24. I am pretty judgmental, too. It's so hard not to be sometimes! When I read a lot of those comments my jaw was on the ground, I chuckled at a few, and teared up. I definitely wish I wasn't so judgmental - but I have learned to keep all thoughts and opinions in my head with a smile on my face (:

  25. So I just discovered your IG feed and blog=love them both! But I resisted social media fo a super long time for the exact reasons you just mentioned! I don't care so much what others think and I love IG for so many reasons but mostly it gives me an outlet for all those pics in my cellphone that would otherwise be forgotten. I know when I post something lame like the chicken I cooked in a crockpot that most people will think "who cares!". But for me it turns an ordinary task into my own personal party! Thanks for sharing!

  26. I just wasted like 3 hours reading through those comments. I couldn't stop--the things people had to say, the experiences they went through, the struggles and sadness--my mind is reeling now. I kind of wish I would have never read them, because so many of them were so negative on marriage and love, so many people regret the choices they made; it makes me so sad. I wonder how many bloggers who focus on their relationship on their blog are dealing with these issues. I was totally judgy, but in a pitiful kind of way I guess (still not right, though). I don't have any true, close girlfriends (my guy is my best friend) and I get upset about it daily, but I'd take my problems any day over what I read. Really put things in perspective.


  27. Oh I completely love this post. I judge way too much. My thing lately is to not judge and to just ALWAYS be nice. Because it's never worth it to be rude or catty. You NEVER know the other side of the story and I've had too many instances where I am mad or bugged only to find out why someone did what they did, then I'M the one who should feel bad. I've learned my lesson and this post is another testament to me that it's something I need to work on.

  28. OH! And i've been seriously considering disabling comments on my blog for good.

  29. I sooo struggle with being judgemental in every area of life. In fact, I've written about it on my blog a few times too. But praise The Lord for His grace. He ha taught me so much about his grace and unconditional love over the past few years. And although I still struggle a lot with being judgemental, God is working in my heart an slowly teaching me to take those thoughts captive. And He is showing me how He sees those people I judged and is giving me His love for them. It is totally Him though, on my own I fail every time!
    Alesha <3

  30. Wow thank you for sharing that link - that post is sooo interesting! I've been reading it for ages! And yes, I find myself being judgmental too sometimes. But recently, I've really been trying to catch myself and stop the negative thoughts - nothing good can come of them, being empathetic is far more productive :)

    Life etc

  31. LOVE THIS POST! (no really, it's true) I definitely do the same thing... not sure how to stop though. I think the human race is naturally judgmental, and we seem to judge ourselves and the ones we love the most. What the french? Why can't I be like Buddha? Why we gotta hate so much? I don't get it.


I seriously A D O R E each of your comments!! Your feedback & love make my heart happy!


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