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But, lots of times...comparison is not such a great thing. I compare myself to lots of things. In my blog, in my shop, with my life and where I'm at...comparing ALL the time. I try not to - but being in this world..I think it's hard NOT TO.
Today, though...I'm talking about comparison with my baby.
It happened without me even really realizing it:
He's one month..he's SUPPOSED to weigh..blah blah blah.
Well that other baby is his age and he's rolling over.
Jake is one month younger than him and he's crawling.
Why isn't he walking yet? Shouldn't he be?
D has always been a little "slower" at doing things. Compared to other babies, he just likes taking his time. Is he dumb? Absolutely not. He's just not in a rush to do anything. He always accomplishes whatever he wants to, but just a little slower than "the normal" (according to the medical profession at least).
But when people (who shall remain nameless) said things like the above to me, it would CRUSH me. I would suddenly start worrying and thinking...SHOULD he be doing that? WHY ISN'T he doing this or that? I
It began to eat me up. I can pretend it isn't there, but it definitely is. That ugly word comparison. To other babies his age. His friends that he plays with. While they play, I silently watch the other kid. Thinking wow...that kid is a lot more active..a lot more talkative..a lot more interactive.
I tried to not let it get to me. But then, one of my "friends" started telling me one day how AWESOME her kid is (who happens to be 2 weeks younger than D). She asked me if D was talking much, and I said yes, kind of. He says a few words, but not a lot yet. She said well, "Frank" is saying SO many words. Then proceeded to list off ALL of the words he could say. I could list them now, but I might throw up because I was so disgusted with her. And still am. The WAY she was saying it...was making me nauseous. Throwing it in my face almost.
Although I was absolutely furious with her, I had to let it go. I can't let comparison steal my JOY. From my awesome baby. Because it's NOT about how many things/words/accomplishments your kid is doing (although some would argue with me).
I guess, what I'm trying to get at, is that if you spend ALL this time focusing on what your child is NOT doing...you miss out on what your child IS doing. And that would be a horrible thing to wake up and realize when they're 21. Instead of NOW.
The other day (December 1) to be exact, I realized just that.
Because D said MAMA for the first time!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I've been trying to get him to say Mama...well...since Day 1, really. :) But mostly because he's been saying Dada forever...and it's just not fair. Hehe.
There is absolutely NOTHING better than the sound of him saying Mama. Nothing. So I'm enjoying this moment...and want to share it with you guys. Enjoy :)
I'm curious:
Do you compare your baby/kids to other babies? How do you stop yourself from doing it?
I definitely understand the comparing thing. I think it was hardest when I had my second the comparisons between the two of them started. I hate it. Granted I am at fault for doing it too some times, but it just seems to unfair. Enjoy the mama stage! Still warms my heart to hear my girls say it. :)
ReplyDeleteIt is SO hard not to compare your baby to others. My little girl is small for her age and people always comment on that and say things like maybe we're not feeding her enough. She eats lots, she's just little. And she doesn't talk much yet, but she says the important words to us, like Mama and Dada. And that's what matters :)
ReplyDeleteOh just wait til he says "I love you"! Talk about melting hearts :)
ReplyDeleteI compared a lot with my firstborn. It's totally natural to worry your babe isn't where he's supposed to be at, but really there is no norm! Every baby develops at their own pace. Try not to think about it so much, mama :)
Well, I don't have a baby yet, but I sure as Hell know I do it with myself... until I knock some sense into my head. ;)
ReplyDeletei think your baby is pretty perfect.
ReplyDeleteI could have written this post. Thank you for posting this today! It is so hard not to compare but all it does is just eat us up inside.
ReplyDeleteLoved this post! Such a cute little boy!!
ReplyDeleteKal
That picture is really pretty!
ReplyDeleteYou know what? You have the cutest little mister ever! And you know what else? I think every mom does this. I totally did with my first child...and my nephew who is 11 days older than her. It's frustrating to see other kids progress faster, but even more bothersome to have it basically pointed out to you and thrown in your face. With my fourth (my only boy), he's not walking or talking much at 18mo. Being my fourth child and knowing that nothing is medically wrong with him, it doesn't get to me when people ask "Is he walking YET?" But you have a good attitude, momma! Enjoy those precious cheeks!
ReplyDeletexx, Kristen
Great message. So exciting that he said Mama!
ReplyDeleteI look at what other babies are doing that are the same age as my son, just to make sure that he is acting the way he should be for his age (keeping in mind "normal" is a very wide range) but I would NEVER brag about what he can do in front of someone whose baby isn't doing those things yet.Baby's learn things at their own paces, and it doesn't mean that one is smarter than the other just because they learned how to do something sooner. Just my thoughts! Cute little boy you have! -Char
ReplyDeletehttp://char-and-jared.blogspot.com/
First off congrats on D saying mama. I think I may have cried the first time my first born said mama. And I can totally relate!!!! I don't know you and the hubs plan to have another baby but this whole comparison thing won't happen the second time around. I promise. But I was totally the same way with baby #1. I was constantly in the baby books looking up what he "should" be doing. Iya so silly. They are who they are and your little man is perfect, I assure you!!!
ReplyDeleteI can so relate to this and my baby is still in utero! I find myself ALREADY comparing myself to other moms who "made this" and "crafted that" for their baby. Or mom's who kept up with running during their pregnancy. But I just have to keep reminding myself the most important thing I can do for my daughter is prepare my heart to be her mother.
ReplyDeleteOh my gosh, yes!
ReplyDeleteI totally had to ban myself from reading the Baby Center weekly updates about my toddler. They made me feel like the worst mom ever.
But really, I am the worst at comparing myself with others. I try so hard not to--But it is so impossible. And since being a mom is my main gig, that's usually what gets compared the most. I always end up feeling horrible about myself and feeling like I'm doing everything wrong. It's the worst.
I definitely have this problem too! I have been working on it a lot the past few months! It is so hard, for me I compare because I want to make sure I'M measuring up. I want to be sure I am a "good enough" mom etc.
ReplyDeleteit is a trap and it does steal joy, you are right!
I wrote a post on it a couple months ago, so I'm sharing that with you now. I hope it encourages you if you have time to read it <3
http://www.hopefulfuture.blogspot.com/2012/09/comparing-kids-confessions-of-imperfect.html
<3 paula
yay! So glad he's saying Mama :) How sweet!
ReplyDeleteLoved this heartfelt post! And the picture of you and your little guy is adorable. Such a cutie pie he is!
ReplyDeleteI don't have a baby yet, but I definitely do that with myself... its so hard not to compare. We have to learn to just be grateful for everything in our own lives and focus on the positive things! :)
ReplyDeleteI love this post. I don't have kids, but I totally understand comparison. I just posted about it the other day and definitely struggle with it...it really is the thief of joy. You and your sweet boy are so precious. I've known plenty of babies who just like taking their time!
ReplyDeleteThis was good for me to read. Because even though we don't all have babies (yet) I'm fairly sure we all struggle with comparing SOMEthing. Probably a big one ... maybe the biggest ... is personal appearance.
ReplyDeleteActually, comparing babies doesn't seem so bad, ha. At least its about someone other than ourselves. :D
i'm sorry you've had so many people say these unintentionally (maybe) hurtful things :( everyone moves at a different pace, everyone marches to the beat of their own drum, and you're SO right--it's more important to focus on what is happening than what isn't. your son is a gift from God and will thrive as the person he is meant to be under your loving care :) keep shining, proud mama!
ReplyDeletexo,
kristyn
I had a really hard time learning to read in kindergarten and first grade... but I ended up valedictorian and majoring in English. Kids develop at different rates!
ReplyDeleteDavis is yours and he is awesome. :)
cuuuute video.
I really appreciate this post. The hubby and I are having a hard time getting pregnant and it's SO difficult not to do the comparison thing, even though I know I should be focusing on all the good stuff and the tons of things I have to be thankful for. I needed the reminder :-) jenn
ReplyDeleteeeeeeeeee! so cute he says mama!
ReplyDeleteI know it's hard, but you just can't let it bother you. Babies all learn at their own pace. They're all little people that do things differently, at different times. Half the time, when people throw things in your face like that, it's because their child can't do it and they just want to make you feel bad. I love my friends and I love their kids, but I don't compare. I'm excited for their kids when they do things, whenever they do things. But that is their child, not mine. So I don't think past that.
ReplyDeleteCongrats on D saying "mama"! That's awesome and I bet feels wonderful. <3
chevronsandanchors.com
awww he is so adorable... =) my kids are getting a little older and i still do that... it IS hard not to, especially when mine is misbehaving and I know it and ppl act like their kid never does... ugh frustrating... love you girl. don't worry! she is probably trying to make herself feel better about something else going on...
ReplyDelete