As this pregnancy starts to come to a close (about a month left!), I've started to worry a lot more. As much as I'd like to say my thoughts are filled with rainbows & butterflies...that would be a total lie.
Along with trying to get ready for this baby, getting the nursery ready, etc... it feels like my weeks have just been filled to the brim with other projects, lists & must-do's -- hence the lack of blogging lately - for those of you who still read this blog, anyway! ;)
Maybe it's because I know once I have 2 kids (ack that still sounds weird to say)...I'm not going to have time for much else for a while. Does it scare the ba-jeezus outta me? ABSOLUTELY.
I actually sit and think about this all the time. I think about all the things I'm going to miss out on with two. I know that sounds harsh, but it's the truth. Just going to the grocery store is going to stress me out. Being basically stuck inside my house all winter is going to stress me out. Having a 2 1/2 year old and a newborn baby fighting for my attention is going to stress me out. Stress. Stress. Stress.
WHY do I stress so much??? (Actually, WHY do we as women stress out in general so much?! Just like the Tootsie Pop...the world may never know).
Yes, I think about the happy, glorious moments that are going to be happening too. How they will interact with each other. How I'm so excited for D to have a sibling. How I'm so beyond thrilled to have a baby girl to dress up & go shopping with someday. How I can't wait to see what her little personality will be like.
But then..the stress thoughts creep back in. I can't help it - I'm totally blaming it on these hormones!!
With Davis, I felt like I had been given the best gift ever when he was born. With #2, I'm scared I won't have enough energy (or time, or patience) to give to her. With Davis, we took a bajillion pictures of him, got them printed and actually hung them up in our house. With #2, I'm worried I'll barely have time to shower...let alone think about hanging her pics up in our house. Ya get my drift?
I would love to completely lie to you and say that I'm not terrified of these things. But I have to be honest. It's SO hard to say these things to other people (friends, family..even hubbies). For fear you'll get judged, ridiculed, or they will think you're the two worst possible words in the human dictionary - - the dreaded "BAD MOM."
But if you've never had these thoughts - even if you only have one kid..or you are scared to death of having even JUST ONE baby...lemme tell ya, you're not alone in this.
It DOES get easier...and you learn to deal with life as a Mom as it comes to you. You learn to be awesome at cutting PB&J sandwiches and changing 10 diapers a day. You learn. That's why we are so awesome as women. But not perfect. No no no...definitely not perfect.
Those seemingly "Perfect Moms" (you know the ones) who seem to have it all together...don't. They are just better at hiding their insecurities than we are. NO ONE..I repeat, NO ONE is a perfect Mom. And whyyyy the heck would you want to be??? The pressure of that alone makes me want to down an entire carton of Ben & Jerry's.
GUESS WHAT I REALIZED?? I DON'T NEEEEED TO BE PERFECT TO BE A GOOD MOM!!
So that's how I'm going to approach this next baby. Knowing full well that I can't be perfect. That life certainly won't be anywhere near perfect. I have to (for sanity's sake) go into this with the knowledge that I'm going to have to relinquish some control. Let other people take the reigns a little bit, and help me out. Mess up. Do things horribly at first. Lose my temper on occasion. Make mistakes that I can't take back. IT WILL HAPPEN.
I can't do it all. I can't do it all perfectly. And I've gotta be ok with that.
I think that at least now, I'm going into this being AWARE that life is gonna be harder - so it makes it much easier to deal with. It's not going to be easy...but it's going to be OH-SO-BEAUTIFUL too...because it will be our life. The most imperfectly perfect life of all.
P.S. THE LAST THING THURSDAYS WILL BE BACK THIS THURSDAY (OCT. 10)...if you want to write a post & link it up...I would LOVE YOU TO!
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I love this, and baby or not I feel like this is something we all struggle with everyday. Trying to keep up and be the perfect people that the world wants us to be.
ReplyDeleteLike you stated, it doesn't matter if it's perfect, imperfect, or anything in between. It will be your kind of perfect, and that is all that matters! :)
I had the same fears when it got close to Elayna's arrival. I actually started to feel guilty for getting prego again while Brax was still so young because I thought there was no way I was going to be able to give them both the care and attention they both needed. I was wrong. It's not like adding a whole portion of baby time, there is just one more baby there when you are taking care of baby time. Think of it having one friend to hang out with, then getting another friend to add to the group... you wouldn't freak out and think you just didn't have the time to pay attention to both friends would you? So excited for you to have your baby daughter and can't believe you only have a month left!!! You will do awesome Jenna, probably close to perfect ;)
ReplyDeleteI just had my first and already worry about adding more babies in the future... I finally feel like I have a handle on life but some days I feel so defeated as a mama and as a human in general, I cant imagine adding more the to chaos. But.... you are right. You have no standard you have to reach or goal you have to meet. Our bodies are wonderful things that RALLY! You are going to do GREAT with 2 babies! Cant wait to see your precious girl
ReplyDeleteIt is so freshing to hear you say the things Iv been thinking and the reason I dont have (or want) kids because I feel like there will be no time left for me and my partner. I hope I change my view one day but it really is a big concern for me xx
ReplyDeleteFirst time leaving a comment here I think. My daughter was just born a month ago. Big Brother is almost 2 and has adjusted well so far. Life is far from perfect but we get thru every day. I find myself much calmer when it comes the baby this time around. Less stress about "am I doing this right" and "OMG germs!! The Baby! NOOOOO" You'll find your new daily routine and things will go from there. Best of luck!
ReplyDeletei remember feeling like this before our 2nd was born. i think i cried every night during the last month of that pregnancy-worrying about everything. it is so normal. i will not lie, the move to 2 kids took awhile to adjust (i think our little guy's schedule of waking up every 1.5hrs until he was 5.5 mths old didn't help much but whatever..) but we got there. the newborn baby stuff wasn't even really a concern so that was nice, it was more just figuring out how to meet everyone's needs that took some time. and surprisingly, running errands was so much less stressful that i thought it would be. you'll get there-it will take time but give yourself some grace (lots of it!) because another life change-just like the 1st was. we just had our 3rd so, you know, it gets easier :)
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